Mar 9
3 min read
Important Distinctions Between NFTs and Pyramid Schemes
- They have different names.
- NFTs didn’t start until 2012-ish.
- The shape of an NFT is a coin and the shape of a Pyramid Scheme is obviously a pyramid.
- NFTs are for Libertarians. Pyramid Schemes are for Republicans.
- NFTs happen on the internet. Pyramid Schemes happen in Florida.
- Pyramid schemes use fiat (aka “dumb”) money. NFTs use cryptocurrency, which is open-source, which is Computer Science-speak for “Very Good and Definitely Legal.”
- NFTs derive value from real-world, concrete, well-defined assets. Like memes.
- Pyramid schemes offer quick, easy profits, while NFTs offer quick, super-complicated profits that require some knowledge of the blockchain to realize.
- You don’t see Pyramid Schemes buying TV ads starring Matt Damon.
- That weird girl you knew in high school isn’t trying to get you to buy into her NFT. In fact, there are very few women involved in NFTs.
- Pyramid Schemes often use “parties” as a way of attracting new members. It’s just a completely different demographic.
- Women get bored if you explain Pyramid Schemes to them on a first date.
- NFTs source of new buyers won’t collapse, because there are hot teens on TikTok going viral talking about it. Every. Day.
- NFTs have cool mascots, like Pepe the Frog. What — do you hate Pepe or something?
- And what kind of Pyramid Scheme offers 7000% returns, you know?
- Pyramid Schemes are for boomers who can’t even spell “NFT.” NFTs are for smarty-smart-smarties!! The CEO of Amway probably doesn’t even know Solidity. Loser!
- NFTs needed to be minted. Mmmm mint. Like mint chocolate chip ice cream. Yummy. How could that be bad?
- Pyramid Schemes rely on a greater fool. NFTs rely on math, definitely. Really, really, really hard math. And math is notoriously democratic!! And good!
- You won’t leave an NFT with piles of makeup in your garage. Most likely, you’ll leave it with nothing — but at least you won’t have the clutter.
- NFTs spark a community. A family, even. Just like Olive Garden. Which is really important, because when you lose millions of dollars, you need someone to talk to about it.
- I personally would not partake in a Pyramid Scheme
- Nor would most of my friends.
- And we definitely wouldn’t think we were cool for doing so.
- And we certainly wouldn’t ask our Twitter followers to join our Pyramid Scheme.
- Why is everybody picking on us?
- Nobody was mean to us until Dogecoin!
- That’s not entirely true. Obviously, everyone was mean to us in high school.
- You probably hate NFTs because you don’t understand them, ok.
- We’re just trying to help artists have their work valued! Even if that value is exclusively owned by the Winklevii.
- Whatever. We’ll hang out in the Metaverse without you losers. Hope your Avatar has unfixable acne!!
- We don’t care what you think. Because NFTs make us happy. And they’re the future. Pyramid Schemes are the past.
- Which isn’t to say that NFTs are the Pyramid Schemes of the future.
- They are definitely not the same thing.
- As I mentioned, they have different names.
